Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to our concert program at the St. Francis of Assisi Church here in Prague.
Please take your seats in the pews, and yes I know they are the most uncomfortable pews in the history of pews, but our 17th century pew designer was a masochist who believed only the most uncomfortable worshippers could ever be absolved of their sins.
Poor bastard was stoned to death by the parishioners.
Alas, we had hoped to replace these despicably uncomfortable pews many times over the last four hundred and fifty years, but, you know how it is with budget cuts.
You could try kneeling at the pews if you think it will be more comfortable.
Yes ma’am in the first row, I realize there is no padding on the kneelers.
Damn pew designer, oops, sorry Archbishop.
If the pews are completely impossible for you, please take one of the two-dollar folding chairs, but please say a prayer before you sit on it if you do not wish it to collapse under your weight.
Now for our lineup.
Our mezzo-soprano this evening is Barbora de Nunes-Cambraia, a great talent who made the short list for the 2016 Thalia Award in the Opera Category.
On the flute is Žofie Vokálková, who won first prize in the Concertino Praga international competition.
And on the organ is our very own international talent, Drahomíra Matznerová.
That’s correct, ma’am in the first row, this baroque organ is the second oldest organ in Prague, built in 1702.
And yes, that’s right again, ma’am, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart played on this very organ, as did Antonín Dvořák and Josef Seger.
Now ladies and gentlemen, seat yourselves uncomfortably and let us begin.
(During Franz Schubert’s Ave Maria, in a whisper) Psst, Joaquin, please get that gentleman in the third row from Canada a tissue; he’s staining our 17th century pews with his salty tears.
(At end of concert) Thank you ladies and gentlemen for attending our performance.
Enjoy your evening.
Psst, Joaquin, please go peel that Canadian gentleman from his pew.
Yes, the one who is tapping his foot and humming.
Thank you.
